I've mentioned several times that all the body image issues I've seen, including but not limited to eating disorders, start with a story of a loved one directing a body comment at the person. Usually a negative, hurtful comment, but often positive or jealous comments from someone emotionally important. When I first started noticing this I was shocked. Then I realized how nearly every story was the same.
"My dad told me I was fat and should lose some weight."
"My mom was constantly obsessing about her own weight."
"My family always shot compliments or biting notes of jealousy at me about my small size."
I've realized that this is just the way it is. But why?? When I step back from what I see, the connection actually seems odd. Compliments promote self-starvation? Comments coming from well-meant concern for health turn into a vicious binge-purge cycle? Messages from our society turn so many people against food? How many people actually hate food because of the emotional anxiety surrounding its perceived influence on body size? Too many. Or I wouldn't be so obsessed with this topic!
Okay, so pride. I love C.S. Lewis's definition. Just think of body image as you read it.
"My dad told me I was fat and should lose some weight."
"My mom was constantly obsessing about her own weight."
"My family always shot compliments or biting notes of jealousy at me about my small size."
I've realized that this is just the way it is. But why?? When I step back from what I see, the connection actually seems odd. Compliments promote self-starvation? Comments coming from well-meant concern for health turn into a vicious binge-purge cycle? Messages from our society turn so many people against food? How many people actually hate food because of the emotional anxiety surrounding its perceived influence on body size? Too many. Or I wouldn't be so obsessed with this topic!
Okay, so pride. I love C.S. Lewis's definition. Just think of body image as you read it.
"Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man…It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone."
How does body image relate? Well, anyone who has done some serious body image work will tell you that in order to have inner peace and self-love, no matter what you look like, you have to not care what other people think of how you look. If there are any thoughts of, I'm ugly, fat, not good enough, not like her, wanting to be a size smaller or 10 pounds lighter, it's most likely coming from a place of comparison.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." Theodore Roosevelt
A few posts ago I kept harping on being happy. What's the point of being skinny if I'm not happy?? Well, it may surprise you that there are many skinny people who are totally unhappy with their bodies. And many round people who love their bodies. Obviously, taking care of your body helps you feel happy and pretty. But anyone can feel happy and pretty if you can decide to get rid of pride. Take the comparison out of the picture. What is left? Just you. Are you happy with you?
So getting dolled up to look pretty, working out, eating good food, losing or even gaining weight is not the issue. It's when you're not good enough for you because you care what others think about you that's the issue. That's when food becomes an enemy. Poor food. It never did anything wrong! Let food be food.
Guys, life is hard. I've started saying this to my babies all the time and it's turned into my new mantra (And yes being a baby is hard!). Cause life IS hard! It just is. And we have to struggle with comparison, because we are humans. Humans are not perfect and that's the whole point of life: To learn and grow and change and find joy. Being able to honestly not care what other people think takes practice, help, study, meditation, and hard work! So don't get down because you struggle with pride and comparison, because everyone does.
Now come full circle back to those comments that often start the story. We've all learned since grade school that if that girl is nagging you about your hairstyle, she is just self-conscious about her own hair. If we learn to quit comparing how we look to others, then we won't be making those comments in the first place. We'll all be much too busy thinking far more enlightening thoughts and doing far more productive things. I know this is one of those, "Let's just all love each other and all of the world's problems will be solved" kind of statements. But I'm just that kind of person. #sorrynotsorry :)
Love,
Lauresa