This title really should be "Having Patience and Grace with your {insert applicable situation here} body". I'm just coming from my current perspective.
I wrote an update when I was about 36 weeks pregnant with my twins. Honestly, I was pretty miserable. Then our girls came, and the first two weeks were physically the hardest thing I'd ever done. But then my body healed(ish) from my C-section. I got the hang of nursing. I got more sleep and cut down nighttime feeding times. My babies smiled at me. And I had so much more energy! After about six weeks I felt so much better. Now my babies are almost six months old! They sleep even better and they are so much fun. Time flies!
I think when people say, "I got my body back!" they really mean, "I feel good again!" So is it possible to feel good again without having the exact same body as before? Is the goal really to look the same as before, or could we really just want to feel good and strong again?
My sister-in-law Phoebe recently blogged about how she doesn't want to "get her body back" after having children because the physical changes represent everything she has accomplished as a mother. I totally agree. My body has changed forever. My tummy skin sags a little, and I'm covered in tiger stripes. My belly button is honestly pretty comical. BUT, every time I look at the mirror I think wow, I can't believe I carried those babies. I carried those babies. And I can also honestly look at myself and like what I see. That last part has been a long work in progress.
Some might say, you can like how you look, you look great! You aren't overweight! Well I respond by saying that NO MATTER WHAT your shape, size, color, there is always something to be dissatisfied with. For me, I still don't fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. I still have 10 pounds to lose. I've never been particularly small. The reason I can like how I look right now is because I learned to love me years ago. It's been a process (and still is) of practice, fighting and learning.
Surround yourself with positive body talk (or none!)
When I was in second grade, I remember refusing to wear shorts because I thought my thighs were fat. I remember obsessing over how I wanted them to be skinnier, if only I could shave off a little here and a little there. Then I will be happy. I don't know why I thought that way other than I'm sure I was just starting to pay attention to negative comments and media's image of beauty. The truth is, I wasn't even mildly chubby.
It's terrible that little girls are thinking like that, but it is becoming more prevalent as evidenced by increasing numbers of young girls dieting and diagnosed with eating disorders.
I attribute where I am now in my successful positive body imaging to the people who surround me. In 9th grade I started running cross country and track. My coach and teammates (for the most part) never spoke of weight or how we looked. Everyone was more interested in endorphins, running fast, and eating a lot of food. My coach, out of concern for causing problems, tracked our weight and body fat percentage, but didn't tell us the numbers. Then he never talked about it again. I LOVED running because I'm a social butterfly and my friends ran with me. We ran around like crazy people because it was fun. :)
My mom had a huge positive impact as well. She didn't body shame. She instilled a love of nutritious foods in me through example, gardening, and teaching me to cook. She went out walking every morning despite too many injuries and babies to count. She didn't exercise to lose weight, that just wasn't a topic of conversation. We didn't own a bathroom scale. She always talked about exercise in the context of getting stronger, fighting sadness and depression, getting outdoors, and visiting with people.
Now my husband is the most constant voice in my head, and he too doesn’t use any kind of body shaming talk. He's deemed my crazy looking belly as "cool" haha. Most of all, his love for me is not conditional on my looks and I know that, even though he does think I'm beautiful.
Take care of yourself
For those who know me well, I'm obsessed with sleep. Many new moms have the problem of not sleeping or napping enough because they try to clean or make everything perfect. Sometimes I have a problem with putting sleep as a higher priority than nearly everything else. But when I get enough sleep I can be me. Happy and motivated, ready to handle any challenge. If I'm exhausted I just fall apart physically and emotionally.
Eat good food. Eating well is hard as it is, add new momhood to the mix and we find ourselves surviving on Poptarts and granola bars. I went to the dentist and had seven NEW cavities since six months ago. This is coming from the girl with 4 cavities her entire life! Pregnancy affects teeth too, but my constant grazing pattern doesn't help either. I wonder if mom brain is in part from not getting enough nutrients from good food. Anyway, it's a fight, but every meal and snack with fruit, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, or low fat dairy in it adds to the building blocks for a healthy, well-functioning body and mind. The better we eat, the better we feel.
Drink water, drink water, drink, drink, drink. Especially if you are nursing! Water helps your body heal, skin to heal and shrink back, and keeps you from getting dehydrated. If you want to get sick more often, have headaches, sabotage breastfeeding efforts, or you know, die... don't drink water. Haha. But seriously! Get a water bottle(s) and take it everywhere.
Exercise doesn't have to be an hour sweat sesh at the gym. Honestly if that's your daily goal post-baby, you'll probably give up all too soon. A lot of people like to minimize this fact: you just grew a baby for nine months and expelled it out of your body! Be patient! Pregnancy and delivery change and tax your body. Also, it took nine months to gain the weight, give yourself that time and patience on the other end. For me, it's all about low expectations. If I overdo it, I can't take care of my girls. If I don't exercise at all, I will feel sad, chubby, and foggy. So it's a balance. If I'm sick, I don't work out, but I might go on a walk to get out of the house. If it's been a few days and I'm rested, I'll try an intense hour long sweat sesh. When I want to move fast, I'll go running outside with the stroller. When I'm feeling creative, I try out some yoga. When I'm with my husband, we go on walks, hikes, play catch or basketball.
Look good, Feel good, Look good
I don't fit into all of my clothes. Honestly I dislike most of my wardrobe because it is so extremely outdated, so I don't miss the clothes. :) Probably one of the best things I did post baby was buy pants and shorts that fit me well. There's nothing like wearing sweats and maternity jeans to remind you over and over again that you're holding onto some extra weight.
Also, dressing cute is a powerful motivator for getting out of the house. Feeling like a fat slob will keep you indoors and isolated. The best thing is, that number on your pants' tag is just a number. No one cares what your number is, but anyone can have a muffin top, awkward bulges, or difficulty breathing in clothes that don't fit. Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful, bodacious, fancy, comfortable, free. If money is an issue, thrift store clothing that fits will make you feel gorgeous compared to the fanciest brand of ill-fitting jeans.
Patience and Grace
Six weeks after I had the twins, I felt normal again. I marveled at the massive changes my body went through. Then I went to Lowe's and the checkout lady asked when I was due. I responded that I had twins six weeks ago and no I was not pregnant. She said, "Really? Are you sure??" Cue incredulity. Fortunately I could laugh and not cry at this encounter because I was already cutting myself plenty of slack.
Aside from the obvious social cluelessness this woman suffered from, I had to ask myself, do I still look pregnant? Yikes… The truth is, I did a little. After some research, I realized I had diastasis recti. Essentially, my abdominal wall had separated down the middle and my tummy stuck out just like I was pregnant because of that. I think most everyone has a little separation, mine was just on the extreme side. I liked this website's information. My gap was three fingers wide, so I started working on closing the gap with some special exercises.
It was so hard! I am used to having a strong core, so struggling through simple ab exercises was a little discouraging. Little by little I got stronger though, until I could sit up out of bed without using my arms and hold a plank for over a minute!
"Patience and grace" is my new mantra for life. When things just aren't going well - or not going at all - repeat after me: patience and grace, patience and grace, patience and grace. You're doing your best to do your best.
Love,
Lauresa
I wrote an update when I was about 36 weeks pregnant with my twins. Honestly, I was pretty miserable. Then our girls came, and the first two weeks were physically the hardest thing I'd ever done. But then my body healed(ish) from my C-section. I got the hang of nursing. I got more sleep and cut down nighttime feeding times. My babies smiled at me. And I had so much more energy! After about six weeks I felt so much better. Now my babies are almost six months old! They sleep even better and they are so much fun. Time flies!
I think when people say, "I got my body back!" they really mean, "I feel good again!" So is it possible to feel good again without having the exact same body as before? Is the goal really to look the same as before, or could we really just want to feel good and strong again?
My sister-in-law Phoebe recently blogged about how she doesn't want to "get her body back" after having children because the physical changes represent everything she has accomplished as a mother. I totally agree. My body has changed forever. My tummy skin sags a little, and I'm covered in tiger stripes. My belly button is honestly pretty comical. BUT, every time I look at the mirror I think wow, I can't believe I carried those babies. I carried those babies. And I can also honestly look at myself and like what I see. That last part has been a long work in progress.
Some might say, you can like how you look, you look great! You aren't overweight! Well I respond by saying that NO MATTER WHAT your shape, size, color, there is always something to be dissatisfied with. For me, I still don't fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. I still have 10 pounds to lose. I've never been particularly small. The reason I can like how I look right now is because I learned to love me years ago. It's been a process (and still is) of practice, fighting and learning.
Surround yourself with positive body talk (or none!)
When I was in second grade, I remember refusing to wear shorts because I thought my thighs were fat. I remember obsessing over how I wanted them to be skinnier, if only I could shave off a little here and a little there. Then I will be happy. I don't know why I thought that way other than I'm sure I was just starting to pay attention to negative comments and media's image of beauty. The truth is, I wasn't even mildly chubby.
It's terrible that little girls are thinking like that, but it is becoming more prevalent as evidenced by increasing numbers of young girls dieting and diagnosed with eating disorders.
I attribute where I am now in my successful positive body imaging to the people who surround me. In 9th grade I started running cross country and track. My coach and teammates (for the most part) never spoke of weight or how we looked. Everyone was more interested in endorphins, running fast, and eating a lot of food. My coach, out of concern for causing problems, tracked our weight and body fat percentage, but didn't tell us the numbers. Then he never talked about it again. I LOVED running because I'm a social butterfly and my friends ran with me. We ran around like crazy people because it was fun. :)
My mom had a huge positive impact as well. She didn't body shame. She instilled a love of nutritious foods in me through example, gardening, and teaching me to cook. She went out walking every morning despite too many injuries and babies to count. She didn't exercise to lose weight, that just wasn't a topic of conversation. We didn't own a bathroom scale. She always talked about exercise in the context of getting stronger, fighting sadness and depression, getting outdoors, and visiting with people.
Now my husband is the most constant voice in my head, and he too doesn’t use any kind of body shaming talk. He's deemed my crazy looking belly as "cool" haha. Most of all, his love for me is not conditional on my looks and I know that, even though he does think I'm beautiful.
Take care of yourself
For those who know me well, I'm obsessed with sleep. Many new moms have the problem of not sleeping or napping enough because they try to clean or make everything perfect. Sometimes I have a problem with putting sleep as a higher priority than nearly everything else. But when I get enough sleep I can be me. Happy and motivated, ready to handle any challenge. If I'm exhausted I just fall apart physically and emotionally.
Eat good food. Eating well is hard as it is, add new momhood to the mix and we find ourselves surviving on Poptarts and granola bars. I went to the dentist and had seven NEW cavities since six months ago. This is coming from the girl with 4 cavities her entire life! Pregnancy affects teeth too, but my constant grazing pattern doesn't help either. I wonder if mom brain is in part from not getting enough nutrients from good food. Anyway, it's a fight, but every meal and snack with fruit, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, or low fat dairy in it adds to the building blocks for a healthy, well-functioning body and mind. The better we eat, the better we feel.
Drink water, drink water, drink, drink, drink. Especially if you are nursing! Water helps your body heal, skin to heal and shrink back, and keeps you from getting dehydrated. If you want to get sick more often, have headaches, sabotage breastfeeding efforts, or you know, die... don't drink water. Haha. But seriously! Get a water bottle(s) and take it everywhere.
Exercise doesn't have to be an hour sweat sesh at the gym. Honestly if that's your daily goal post-baby, you'll probably give up all too soon. A lot of people like to minimize this fact: you just grew a baby for nine months and expelled it out of your body! Be patient! Pregnancy and delivery change and tax your body. Also, it took nine months to gain the weight, give yourself that time and patience on the other end. For me, it's all about low expectations. If I overdo it, I can't take care of my girls. If I don't exercise at all, I will feel sad, chubby, and foggy. So it's a balance. If I'm sick, I don't work out, but I might go on a walk to get out of the house. If it's been a few days and I'm rested, I'll try an intense hour long sweat sesh. When I want to move fast, I'll go running outside with the stroller. When I'm feeling creative, I try out some yoga. When I'm with my husband, we go on walks, hikes, play catch or basketball.
Look good, Feel good, Look good
I don't fit into all of my clothes. Honestly I dislike most of my wardrobe because it is so extremely outdated, so I don't miss the clothes. :) Probably one of the best things I did post baby was buy pants and shorts that fit me well. There's nothing like wearing sweats and maternity jeans to remind you over and over again that you're holding onto some extra weight.
Also, dressing cute is a powerful motivator for getting out of the house. Feeling like a fat slob will keep you indoors and isolated. The best thing is, that number on your pants' tag is just a number. No one cares what your number is, but anyone can have a muffin top, awkward bulges, or difficulty breathing in clothes that don't fit. Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful, bodacious, fancy, comfortable, free. If money is an issue, thrift store clothing that fits will make you feel gorgeous compared to the fanciest brand of ill-fitting jeans.
Patience and Grace
Six weeks after I had the twins, I felt normal again. I marveled at the massive changes my body went through. Then I went to Lowe's and the checkout lady asked when I was due. I responded that I had twins six weeks ago and no I was not pregnant. She said, "Really? Are you sure??" Cue incredulity. Fortunately I could laugh and not cry at this encounter because I was already cutting myself plenty of slack.
Aside from the obvious social cluelessness this woman suffered from, I had to ask myself, do I still look pregnant? Yikes… The truth is, I did a little. After some research, I realized I had diastasis recti. Essentially, my abdominal wall had separated down the middle and my tummy stuck out just like I was pregnant because of that. I think most everyone has a little separation, mine was just on the extreme side. I liked this website's information. My gap was three fingers wide, so I started working on closing the gap with some special exercises.
It was so hard! I am used to having a strong core, so struggling through simple ab exercises was a little discouraging. Little by little I got stronger though, until I could sit up out of bed without using my arms and hold a plank for over a minute!
"Patience and grace" is my new mantra for life. When things just aren't going well - or not going at all - repeat after me: patience and grace, patience and grace, patience and grace. You're doing your best to do your best.
Love,
Lauresa